


Two Doctors Are Better Than One

by lionwolves



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Crack, F/M, mentions of Clara - Freeform, two doctors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21689491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionwolves/pseuds/lionwolves
Summary: River sends the Doctor a message about a date, but two different regenerations of the Doctor show up, and conflict inevitably ensues.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/River Song, Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 4
Kudos: 86





	Two Doctors Are Better Than One

The restaurant in the spice markets on Xeta VI was the perfect spot for a date, or so River thought.

It was built at the top of a mountain and could only be accessed through a private elevator for very esteemed guests. 

Fortunately, River knew how exactly to subvert that and gain entrance, and so would the Doctor. 

She sent the Doctor a message, in her customary way, and after timing it perfectly, she patiently awaited the arrival of her dearest husband.

Although it was unfortunate that their timelines were out of sync, River felt a certain thrill in the mystery of exactly which husband it would be. 

As soon as she saw a tall man with curly grey hair enter the restaurant and inquire after her location before he spots her, she is pleased to see that it’s the one with the eyebrows on this particular night. 

He wears a black tuxedo and strolls over to her with as much smoothness as he can manage.

“Hello, sweetie,” River greets with a smirk. 

The Doctor kisses her left cheek before taking a seat across from her. 

“I’m glad to see you got my message,” River begins, gesturing to the waiter that she had previously brushed off as she waited for the Doctor.

“Of course. Creative as always,” The Doctor replies.

The waiter, a hyper-realistic android, which would only be detected by people with a keen eye like the Doctor and River, approaches the table in a hurry.

“What can I get you both?” He asks them, looking between River and the Doctor.

The Doctor is still browsing the pages of the menu in front of him when River begins to order.

“The usual,” River tells the waiter. “For both of us.”

At that, the Doctor looks up from his menu in slight surprise.

“You’ll love it. Trust me,” River says, a smile playing on her lips.

The Doctor smiles back at her and, in agreement, allows the waiter to take his menu away. “So, what have you been up to? And oh, don’t say it.”

“Say what, sweetie?” River asks in mock ignorance. 

“Spoilers,” They both hear from a voice behind where the Doctor sits.

The Doctor turns around at the far too familiar voice, and River looks around him to see that it is, in fact, another doctor. 

This time, it is the one wearing a bowtie, and a purple tweed outfit in this particular instance. 

“Hello... sweetie,” River says with a slight strain in her tone in light of the already awkward situation.

Eleven glares at Twelve. “Who is he?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Twelve asks him. 

“No, it isn’t. Enlighten me, Captain Obvious, as to why you’re here instead of me, on a date with my wife,” Eleven says in a tense tone. 

Twelve shakes his head. “Say that again, but slowly.”

Realization dawns on Eleven’s face. “You can’t be. You’re—“

“Yes, I know. I’m—“

“You’re old!” Eleven interrupts him to say. 

Twelve scoffs in offense. “You’re old! You’re already over a thousand years old! At least I have better dress sense now.” 

“Well, clearly one of us has to leave,” Eleven concludes.

“That’s right,” Twelve agrees. “And obviously, we know who it should be.”

“You!” Both doctors say in unison.

“Me?” Twelve asks. “I was here first.”

“She was my wife first,” Eleven argues.

“Lucky for River that you died and regenerated into me, then,” Twelve quips. “How did she ever survive?” 

“Both of you, stop it!” River exclaims. “Neither of you have to leave, but you do need to get along so we can make this... date, however unconventional, work out.”

Although the two doctors stare at each other with the desire to continue fighting, they both concede and listen to River.

“Now,” River says calmly. “Pull up a chair, sweetie. And no, not right here next to me, so there isn’t any further conflict about proximity. Next to yourself.”

Eleven takes a chair from another table and sets it down on the other side of Twelve.

“How did this even happen? It doesn’t make any sense. We both got River’s message? And if so, why would you come if you remember being me receiving the message and coming to this date?” Eleven inquires.

“Because I don’t remember,” Twelve answers.

“Why? Because you’re ancient?” Eleven asks, amusedly. 

“Because the timestreams are out of sync in these events, you idiot. You can’t retain your memories of this because we’re both here, so I don’t have the memories!” 

Eleven nods. “This is still highly unlikely to happen.” 

“It always is, every single time it happens,” Twelve mumbles. 

“I assume you’re traveling alone, then,” Eleven observes.

“Why would you assume that?” Twelve asks. 

“Your personality?” 

Twelve narrows his eyes at him.

“So, you’re not still traveling with Clara, then?” 

Twelve can tell, by the look of Eleven, he can identify exactly where in that regeneration he is. After they lost Amy and Rory, and he assumes that’s when he traveled with Clara.

“I can’t remember Clara,” Twelve answers simply.

“You can’t... what?!” Eleven exclaims. “If you can’t remember her, then how do you know who I’m even talking about? And how?”

“I know, or I can gather, from obvious details that she was my friend and that we traveled together, but I don’t have any actual memories of her anymore,” Twelve answers solemnly. “I think I tried to wipe her memory of me and she turned it on me.”

“That sounds like her, I suppose,” Eleven remarks. 

“Does it?” Twelve asks wistfully, as if he wishes he knew her. 

“But why would you try to wipe her memory in the first place? Was it like...” Eleven trails off before he says Donna’s name. 

“I don’t know! I truly can’t remember.”

Eleven shakes his head in disappointment. “She died twice, and came back. She was impossible! And now you’ve just forgotten her. Nice one, Doctor.” 

At that moment, they both look up to see that River has disappeared from the seat across from them.

“Where’d she go?” Eleven asks, looking around the restaurant frantically.

“Obviously she left because we were sitting here arguing instead of paying attention to her! If you hadn’t showed up and ruined our date—“

“If  _ you _ hadn’t showed up in the first place—“

“Why are we still arguing? The reason we were arguing in the first place, our wife, is gone. What’s the point?” Twelve asks. 

Eleven huffs in frustration, but he does agree.

“That waiter never brought our food,” Twelve comments.

Just as the two doctors were preparing to go their separate ways and separate timestreams, they both hear a scream coming from the back of the restaurant, and they share a glance.

“After you, Doctor?” Twelve beckons. 

“No, please. You first. Age before beauty,” Eleven says.

Instead of responding, Twelve rolls his eyes, takes out his sonic screwdriver and begins to walk in the direction of the scream.

“How come your sonic lights up all around like that?” Eleven asks, following closely behind him as they prepare to investigate whatever crisis has befallen this planet. 

After all, two doctors is definitely better than one. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was more funny than anything, so I’m sorry if it wasn’t heavy enough on shipping content for Doctor/River. It was more about the idea of how amusing it would be if Eleven and Twelve ever met, and this seemed to be a perfect scenario. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it.


End file.
